The new Chinese-American dream: the saga of Chase Larson

Gosh.

I can't even begin to articulate how difficult it will be to properly articulate the amazingness and overall absurdity of my last two months with my friend Chase Bingham Larson. No single adjective or witty phrase will get the job done. No embellished storyline or creative writing will get the job done. No blog will get the job done. But I am going to try my best. Why? Because Chase's Chinese life is too awesome and ridiculous to go undocumented and unreported to all of our friends and family back home (well maybe not family if I decide to take this beyond PG-13, I'll let Chase decide, he's my editor). Here we go.



I've met Chase 1.0 and I know him quite well. We grew up together and indulged in activities such as lacrosse (or LAX if you want to sound cool/douchey), student council (he president, I vice-president), playing Baldur's Gate among other computer games, and of course taking partying as seriously as we deemed necessary. I guess you could say I've always been Chase's Scottie Pippen- totally capable to be an all-star on my own, but much better with a Michael Jordan at my side. Anyway, enough with the analogies. Chase 1.0 is the Colorado Chase that most of us know, especially among those who actually even read this blog.

Chase 2.0 is slightly more of a mystery, except to those who attended Bates college with him. However, Cole, MVDB and I were lucky enough to at least get a little taster of this updated version of Chase, and while it was no doubt an updated version, it was sort of like going from Windows 95' to Windows 98' (sorry, I promised I would stop with the analogies). While Chase 2.0 is a slight mystery, I certainly wouldn't call him an enigma.

Ok, now that the background setting has been established and the props are in place (always prepare the soil before planting), its time to introduce Chase 3.0, the new Chinese edition.

So I come to my senses on December 23, 2009. I'm wandering around on some foreign street, its about 3:30 in the morning, and I quickly realize that I've been blacked out for god-only-knows how long prior to my current predicament. I'm lost. Wait... no I'm not, this looks like the street that my hostel is on in Sultanahmet, Istanbul- perfect I can ask a few locals (who look strangely Chinese) for directions. Well, not only did they not speak English, but I'm pretty sure that wasn't even Turkish. Moving into past tense, I soon realized that I had a new cell phone in my pocket and sure enough, only one number in my phone. Chasedog. Well after about 10 unanswered phone calls and a little time to collect my thoughts, I had the sobering realization that I was lost in Shanghai and was approximately 8,000 km away from the hostel I had been searching for 10 minutes earlier. Back to present tense, I remember eating dumplings with Chase and drinking beer. I remember going to Bulldog bar where they have a 50 yuan (7 bucks) beer pong tournament that was all-you-can-drink (well 'all-you-can-drink' at least explains part of my predicament). Then I remember beating Chase and Calvin in the championship game and we (me and some girl that was on my team) won a free bottle of fake J&B. I remember giving out shots of my victory prize to the entire bar and yelling "Shanghaiiiiiiii, lets all be friends!". And then BAM. Nothing.

Well you will all be happy to know that I did eventually find my way home, thanks to my keen mental traveling compass. However, the question is still begged, where the hell was Chase? I'll tell you where Chase was based on a mixed networking of collected memories, morning-after clues, and plenty of hungover detective work on Chase and I's behalf.

Well, in fact, our synopsis of the blurry night-before was based on one significant finding. A new pair of jeans, size 35 waist and absolutely no sign of the jeans that Chase began the night in. Apparently, Chase switched jeans with someone in the middle of a classy/cheesy Shanghai nightclub called Muse 2, and to this day that's all we know. An impressive feat? absolutely- this sort of stuff is right up Chase's alley. Even more impressive? Someone else in China actually has a size 35 waist, happened to be at the same lame nightclub as Chase, and (most likely) allowed Chase to convince him to trade jeans- assumingly not in the bathroom, but in the middle of the club... Only Chase 3.0 can pull this stunt off unscathed and unfazed.

This was my first night in Shanghai with Chase. No, its not the craziest story in the world; nobody got in a Chinese bar fight or woke up in their landlord's driveway or stole a police car.
But it is a good indication of how the rest of my stay in Shanghai would unfold.
Don't worry, I'm not going to detail every single night we went out.

Chase speaks incredible Chinese Mandarin. Let me explain what I mean by this. From the perspective of someone who speaks zero Mandarin, you may think this is a bogus statement and completely unsupported due to my lack of language skills. However, based sheerly on the ability to make someone else laugh hysterically in a foreign language, without any hand or facial gestures- pure conversational humor, I give Chase two thumbs up, five stars, and an A+. It's impressive. Part of Chase's Chinese comical shine gleams from the surprise effect. Among the million or so expats living in Shanghai, Chase does not necessarily look like someone who would speak noticeably better Chinese than the majority of foreigners. A 6'3" blond American with a goofy smile and a tongue that's always hanging out of his mouth does not look like someone who knows all the idioms, colloquialisms, and Shanghainese that the locals use. His immaculate ability to include outdated "old-timer" phrases (like an old Chinese guy calling me a whipper-snapper) only adds to his linguistic charm.

Chase's linguistic charm permeates into all aspects of Chase 3.0. Considering his rich American bosses at his event management job have lived in Shanghai for something like 15 years and speak about as much Mandarin as I do (I'd say a two-year old Chinese baby speaks more than me), Chase seems to be a valuable asset to a company that organizes two of the biggest sporting events in Shanghai (Shanghai Masters and Formula 1). His bosses have tried their best to turn Chase into a professional-looking businessman expat, but anyone that knows Chase 1.0 takes this classy disguise with a grain of salt. Suited-up Chase just doesn't quite look natural- as if Chase had some goofy undershirt or tacky pair of underwear on underneath (or maybe he forgot to wear socks or something) to maintain his 'Chaseness'. Maybe this is why Chase 3.0 has distanced himself so far from home- an attempt to expel all Chase 1.0 ridiculousness and achieve proper businessman status. I don't know much, but I think 'Chaseness' is hard to eradicate from your list of characteristics, especially when your name is Chase.

Although Chase's linguistic charm helps him in the office, its safe to say that most professional-level communications occur in English. This is why I think Chase's ability to speak Chinese benefits him the most in one specific, highly important, aspect of life. Women. Both western women and Chinese women alike. He is either impressing some white backpacker chic by chatting up the Chinese waitress at a restaurant or he is impressing some Chinese waitress by holding a legitimately funny conversation while ordering food for some other white backpacker chic. Wait... these two situations sound alarmingly similar.

Without getting too graphic or upping this blogiography from PG-13 to rated R (and eventually to a porno I suppose), I will say that Chase does quite well for himself. While I would compliment his nice diverse selection in women, which ranges from white to Chinese, 18-40 years old (stories to come...), hot to mediocre (depending on how drunk he is and how late/how-much-time-left he has), I will say that it ultimately comes down to which girl presents herself at the opportune time. While I am also guilty of this at times, Chase takes his female findings with a vigorous and certainly audacious attitude. What do I mean by this? There will always be a point in the night when Chase switches from friendly jokester to drunkenly suave (or so he thinks) lady hunter. This transition is quick, inevitable, and insanely entertaining to watch. However, drunken suave lady hunter Chase has provided many good nights, and equally good mornings for Chase 3.0, so its certainly not an alternate identity to scoff at.

Some of you may be asking, why doesn't Chase have a girlfriend yet? Or some of us who know him better, has Chase ever had a girlfriend? Well I will say that Chase suffers/enjoys the same condition that I have which involves the inability to attach yourself to one single female specimen- regardless of her aesthetic beauties or intrinsic value. And in China? While it may be much more customary to have a girlfriend/future wife, there are certainly enough humans there to not worry about it. As Chase said one night after I apparently pissed off a girl by saying something inappropriate, crude, callous, or all-of-the-above at Windows 2 bar, "the nice thing about China is that there is an endless amount of potential bridges to burn. Enough that you really don't have to worry about it." Of course, this exceptional quote came after Chase went haywire on some dude for making a snide comment while Chase was enjoying a drunken late-night kebab at the only Turkish kebab shop in Shanghai... He's (Chase) not allowed to show his face back there for a long time, and that's the greatest extent of the story that you need to hear. Anyway, about the girlfriends, I think Chase likes to make girls think they are his girlfriend, then get into a huge mess, and then search for some marginally-rational way to weasel out of it. Basically he digs himself large holes for the sheer joy of attempting to get out of them... I think.

Moving on. I'm almost done here, I realize that people have more important things to read.

Chase has plenty of connections in Shanghai, most of which come from his initial participation in pretty much every recreational expat sports league in Shanghai (when he first arrived). I actually think Chase looks at his team's schedule and realizes that he is playing against one of his other teams on a consistent basis. Either way, this method has built a solid community of amazing people that I am thankful for having met and will greatly miss. I played basketball with Canadian Calvin for what felt like everyday down at Xujiahui park and consistently got my ass kicked by a bunch of small human beings (Chinese guys) that could sink shots like nobody's business. I got a job proofreading/editing broken English translations for various companies in the Shanghai Stock Exchange. I helped Chase move from his more traditional Chinese abode to his new sheek sky-rise apartment in the 'cool' area of town. I met his radical new roommate Bobby who works for Converse and pretty much kicks serious ass in all aspects of Chinese and western life. My buddy Luc shared the living room in Chase and Bobby's apartment with me for a couple weeks- and we both enjoyed the luxuries of using my mattress on the floor for various duties, both recreational and conventional.

Overall, the crew in Shanghai really provided me with the first "home" that I've had since I left home. Everyday activities became routine and believe it or not, simple tasks such as cleaning the apartment or buying toothpaste became enjoyable. Anyway, I'm trying not to get too sentimental here (hopefully Chase will edit this part out).

In brief, while this short blog post comes nowhere close to what I had anticipated, it hopefully does shed a touch of light on Chase's new Chinese life and my time in it. While I could certainly indulge in more absurdities of our drunken debauchery, our daytime adventures, and countless other stories, I figure I'll save those for when I get home (an eloquent way of saying I'm tired of typing). I now have two homes that I miss and plenty of new and old friends that I miss. Xi Jien Shanghai, and thanks Chase for the good times... there will be more.